


Tears of Saint Lawrence

by Michaela18



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:01:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29564391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michaela18/pseuds/Michaela18
Summary: A meteor shower is forecast and people are trying to get good vantage points. What happens when Eric and Tris end up in the same spot? Seeing stars anyone?
Relationships: Eric/Tris Prior
Kudos: 6





	Tears of Saint Lawrence

**Credits and explanations are at the end. The inclusion of lyrics was pure coincidence as those were part of the background music I listened to while writing this story last August - it just seemed to fit!**

* * *

**Tris POV**

"It's happening!"

I know I have been staring, but come on? Uriah and Zeke are running through the Pit, shouting like mad.  
Some people are cheering but most just ignore the Pedrad brother's antics.

I quickly grab Marlene's hand as she walks past me.  
"What are they doing?"  
"Announcing the meteor shower that is supposed to happen over the next couple of nights. It is their yearly tradition to announce the Perseids' arrival every August," Marlene says as if that should be common knowledge before rushing after the boys again.

"I will fill you in," Tobias whispers in my ear and nods his head towards the cafeteria.  
Together we make our way to a table in the back after grabbing something to drink.

"You remember learning about space in school," he starts off once we are seated.  
"Yes, I was allowed astronomy classes," I admit quietly.  
Parents have to sign off on those so not all Abnegation get to participate.  
"Good, remember what they taught about asteroid belts?"  
"Yes, I know what a shooting star is," I tease, knowing where he is going with this.  
"Good, then this is really easy. There are multiple times a year where a sleuth of asteroids pass us and the chances of rocks hitting our atmosphere and burning up increases drastically. Those events are called meteor showers and depending on the time of the year they have different names. The ones happening now are called Perseids," Tobias explains quickly.  
"Thank you," I say sincerely.  
"I am always here to help you manage those things we were denied growing up, Tris," he promises and I hug him in thanks.

To others our relationship is still weird. We are not a couple but I am the only one he really opened up to and let in. We know each other's darkest secrets and that connects us in ways we are missing out on with our friends.  
The show of physical affection is something we do with each other. I do hug the girls and occasionally Zeke and Uriah, but Tobias doesn't let anyone do it to him except me. I love feeling special and the others all know that there is something ... more there.

"So where do they go to watch? The roof," I ask.  
"They like to change it up every year, hoping to find the ultimate viewing spot. The roof gets really crowded and there are too many security lights up there. The more out of the way the better the exposure on cloudless nights. We usually get clouds but tonight they are going to disperse around three am."  
"If the forecast holds true," I remind him because that is one of the things I learned during my leadership training. We might be more advanced technology wise than those who came before us but we are only few people living on a small spot on this earth. There is always room for error so we need to be prepared for anything.  
"Are you off tonight," I double check.  
"I am. Want to go and wish upon a star with me," Tobias teases and I kiss his cheek loudly.  
"Always!"  
"Tease!"  
"No, I really wish for all your dreams to come true. You deserve to be happy," I tell him in all honesty. "Wanna go find some shooting stars with me? I think I might know just the spot."  
"Oh really? And how, oh mighty Tris, do you think you were able to find this magical place?"  
"Well," I start and look around quickly. "There is the derelict castle that someone imported from a different continent and had it rebuilt brick by brick. Not everything is standing, some is in good shape though and I am thinking about the large tower with a flat roof. It can easily fit fifty people and the building is in really good condition."  
"And how do you know about this? I don't remember seeing anything like this," Tobias asks curiously.  
Should I or should I not? Screw it, it is nothing bad unless he makes it.  
"Eric used it for my training. It is out at Amity and we would need to camp out there because it is rather secluded," I answer, carefully choosing my words.  
Tobias mulls this over in his head.  
"How long do we need to travel from here. I have the late shift but they are staggering the starting times as an experiment so I am not due in until two."  
"Between two and three hours. We need to take the train and then hike through the forest," I admit.  
"Who wants to hike through the forest? We are going to watch Perseids, Tris," Uriah admonishes after sneaking up on us.  
"Hike? Who hikes in this heat," Zeke joins in and takes a seat beside Tobias while Uriah and Marlene squeeze in beside me.  
"Those who hope to find a great spot for stargazing," Tobias answers nonplussed.  
"You two are going to try and beat us?" Zeke sounds offended and we quickly correct him.  
"We were just talking and Tris mentioned a tower that could be a good spot to check out. Downside is the trek meaning we need to take the train to Amity and hike," Tobias explains with more patience than I currently possess.  
"We are in," Uriah declares and I stare at him.  
"Safety in numbers and it will be nice to spend the time waiting with you all."  
"Don't you have to work early," I ask.  
"I only start at eight," he waves me off.  
"That means you need to leave around five am," I correct him and his eyes widen.  
"How far exactly is that spot you are talking about," Zeke throws in.  
"Deep in the woods. We need to take the train, cross the field and then another hour through the forest. I was just mentioning that we would have to camp out there," I add as an afterthought.  
"I am working the late shift so I am in," Zeke exclaims.  
"I work tomorrow night so I am good," Marlene adds.  
"I work at eight. Tris, can't you do anything for me," Uriah whines.  
"You are meeting Johanna," I remind him and it is clear the others get it before he does.  
"Yes," he hisses and fist bumps. "I am in," he declares.

"In for what?"  
Lynn, Will and Christina join us and suddenly our group is rather big. It works out that Will, Chris and Uriah leave us early and mid morning the rest will follow.  
Everyone will be responsible for making sure they spend the night the way they want to and get the equipment there themselves.  
Christina and Marlene insist on tents so they decide to share one because nobody else feels the need to.  
The rest of us will rough it out with whatever makes us comfortable out in the open.

…

A few hours later I lock my office door and head for the front office to remind Natasha that I will be gone for most of tomorrow.  
"Don't worry, you are not the only one," she grins at me. "Lots of people will spend half the day catching up on sleep," she adds.  
"Going to look for shooting stars, Tris," Max speaks up from behind me.  
"Yes sir,' I mock salute and he scowls at me.  
"Have some fun with your friends. We all need a bit of relaxation before Choosing Day. This is the first time you are taking some personal time so why don't you come back in three days," Max offers.  
I mull this over.  
"I have a meeting with Eric tomorrow afternoon but apart from that I am good."  
"Good, then make sure you make it quick and return to being on vacation," Max teases.  
"Thank you," I tell him but he waves me off.  
"Have fun, Tris. You won't always be able to do the things you want so enjoy them while you are young."  
"Bye, Tris!" Natasha winks at me and nods her head towards the door.  
I don't hesitate to rush out before Max can start lamenting about his youth again.

…

I used my lunch break to get most of my things ready so by now I am starving when I walk into the cafeteria. Our usual table is already occupied by my friends and I quickly join them.  
We talk about what we want to do this evening over dinner and refine some plans we made earlier.  
I am the first to leave, reminding the rest that we leave in less than an hour and those who miss the train will miss out.

Earlier I plugged my tablet in to charge, knowing I will want to tune out Zeke and Uriah as one point. I amassed some music I like and it is all saved there. Some simply earbuds and a small power bank join the pile before I search for food that will be easy to take along as well as filling.

Before I know it it's time to leave and I make the trek to the maintenance yard where most of my friends are already waiting.  
Of course Christina is the last one to arrive and has the most luggage. Will is helping her but I stop both of them.  
"Chris, you can only take what you can carry yourself. If you think you can't hike with it then don't take it. This is for everyone's safety, okay," I add quickly and she growls at me for a few seconds.  
"None of us will be able to help you and we might end up missing out all together," I try again and her shoulders slump in defeat.  
"Will, the chair can stay here," she tells her relieved looking boyfriend. Then she bends down and removes a few items from her own backpack. They are all clothes and I am wondering if she packed a party outfit with high heels too.  
I shouldn't be surprised when she dropped a miniskirt and heeled boots on her growing pile.  
"Here, we can leave it in Justin's office," I offer and unlock the door for her.  
Will helps us move things into the corner of the large office while I scribble a quick note.

I am closing the door when the train horn sounds off close by.

Despite the quick sorting out Chris still struggles to get on the train and when we start our hike she is the first one to slow down and subsequently demand a break.  
It takes us thirty minutes longer than what I am used to, but I keep reminding myself that I love my friends and this is worth it.

The sunlight is fading by the time we reach the large clearing and while I am covering the back end Tobias took the lead on the clearly visible path.

"You've got to be shitting me! Turn around and go back," I can hear loud and clear and the groan leaves my lips involuntarily.  
I march quickly past my friends and stand side by side with Tobias who is now facing off an extremely annoyed looking Eric.  
"Tris," he growls when he sees me. "I should have simply failed you," he adds and all my friends gasp.  
"Shut up and make some space. There is plenty of room for all of us," I say and lead my group around Eric.  
"I am here for the silence and not a damned party," Eric shouts when he catches up to me.  
"We are here to see a meteor shower. If you want quiet time go deeper into the woods," I suggest calmly and continue to lead my friends closer to the tower I suggested for star gazing.  
"Tris," Eric warns again when he once more catches up to me.  
"Excuse us for a moment," I tell my friends and grab Eric by his shirt, dragging him with me around the side of the tower.  
I know he lets me drag him but that is beside the point.  
"Stop it," I demand when we are out of sight. He growls. "Shut up and listen," I growl at him this time and he raises his eyebrow in challenge.  
"It is getting dark, we are all here and we will all stay here. You can have one side of the roof and we will take the other. They will shut up and fall asleep eventually so just let things run their course."  
"I keep the right to throw them off the roof if they annoy me," he threatens.  
"You are on your own with the paperwork and subsequent trial in Candor," I retort and he sighs in defeat.  
"Fine, ... just keep them quiet and let me have a resemblance of privacy."  
"I will try my best and you know you don't always have to play tough, Eric. Why don't you show them a bit of who you really are? It wouldn't hurt you to gain some allies in your own age group," I quietly suggest and he stares at me for the longest time.  
Finally I sigh and leave him where he is while I return to my friends.

It seems they expected me to get everything sorted and the tent it pitched and the bags unpacked.  
"Uh, I thought we would be sleeping on the rooftop," I clarify.  
"We can't have a tent up there, it is way to hard," Christina starts off and I am silently wondering if that isn't just her trying to put some space between her and Eric and not have anything he can throw her from while she is sleeping.

Uriah and Will are without their backpacks so I am assuming they are bunking with their girlfriends.

"So, it's just the four of us," I ask, turning back to Zeke, Lynn and Tobias.  
"Dauntless to the core," Zeke proclaims and Lynn snorts loudly.  
"If Shauna would be here he would be gathering extra padding for the base of their tent," she teases and Tobias laughs.  
"I almost forgot! You were too busy looking for ferns and missed the first meteors," he adds to the good natured ribbing.  
"Yeah, but now you have Tris," Zeke starts but I nip that in the butt right away.  
"If you want to try sleeping in an Abnegation approved bed I can ask my father to set you up in an empty house for a couple of days," I offer and Zeke's eyes widen.  
"No thanks, I am good," he adds quickly.  
"Let's go," Lynn demands and marches ahead to the open doorway where the big stone staircase is still visible.

Eric's backpack is lying abandoned on one side of the roof and we deliberately move to the opposite side.

It doesn't take long to set up and we take our food back downstairs.  
The others did not disappoint and the fire pit is almost ready to go. The fire gets lit and the pots filled when I see Eric trying to sneak past us.  
"I'll be right back," I tell my friends and march over to where Eric stopped in his tracks upon hearing me.  
"Come eat with us," I invite. "You don't have to linger but just sit down, eat and then do your own thing. It is nicer to have a variety of food than eating a cold MRE."  
I can see he is contemplating the pros and cons.  
"We have cake, popcorn and marshmallows," I add, knowing full well that Eric does like his sweet treats.  
"Just for a little bit," he concedes and let's me take his hand to pull along as if he is unwilling. Smoke and mirrors...

The others don't greet Eric but they don't say anything negative either when I pull him down beside me and hand him an empty plate.  
Conversation picks up again and Eric eats quietly with the occasional answer to a question I pose.

"What time are you working tomorrow, Eric," Tobias tries to offer an olive branch.  
"Afternoon," Eric replies.  
"Is that the meeting with me," I jump in.  
"Yes," Eric sighs.  
"Do you have anything else scheduled," I ask, not giving up.  
"No." Another sigh.  
"We can do that anytime you want. Max gave me the next three days off," I explain quickly and Eric's head turns sharply.  
"You are not going to stay here for three days, are you?"  
Is that concern?  
"No, I was going to meet with you and then just find something to help me relax."  
"You sound unsure," Tobias throws in, trying to make it a group topic.  
"Max sprung that on me when I was leaving the office so yes, I am not sure what I will end up doing," I admit.  
"You did not have any extra days off," Christina reminds me before changing the topic slightly. "Do you know if you have your birthday off? Of course, everyone requests their birthday off," she continues without waiting for an answer.  
"Uh, I don't know," I hedge and Tobias groans lowly.  
"It's her choice," Eric finally speaks on his own accord. Not sure it was the right moment but I am kind of glad he is supporting my stance.  
"Nobody was talking to you. Do you even have someone to celebrate your birthday with you," Christina asks rudely.  
"Christina," comes from all around.  
"What?! It is a legitimate question," she tries to justify herself.  
"It is rude," Marlene admonishes.  
"You are not in Candor anymore," Tobias speaks up.  
"Would it make you feel better if he said he was all alone," I ask and she looks at me because I was quite harsh.  
"I...," she starts and looks at Will for help, who simply shakes his head.  
"I decided to treat it as any other day and work. Thought maybe I got lucky and finally win 'Capture the flag'," Eric adds with a look at me. "Maybe next time," he adds.  
"Just get Trissy on your team and avoid the bullies," Uriah states as if nothing else happened and he was just giving out some friendly advice.  
"I might keep that in mind," Eric agrees and goes back to eating his cake.

Christina looks down at her lap before finally speaking up again.  
"That was rude and uncalled for," she tries to apologise but this time Eric ignores her. "I am known to hold grudges," she pushes on and as one we sigh. Here we go... "Oh shut up! You would be the same had it been you dangling from the railing. Why," she demands to know.  
Eric ignores her and takes another bite of cake.  
"Why were we not allowed to concede?"  
"Because in real life you are expected to not to," Eric finally states with conviction.  
"What?!"  
"Dauntless are supposed to be brave. How brave are you if you give up just because your opponent is stronger? Isn't it more brave to face someone who will overpower you and fight until you can't anymore than to give up just to save yourself?"  
"But..."  
"Tris spent hours in the infirmary but she never gave up. She ended up with a good rank while Al faked going unconscious and ended up in the Chasm. Tell me, which one is more Dauntless," Eric challenges and I finally see Christina see the light.  
I knew because Eric spent a lot of time rehashing rules and what makes someone a good Dauntless and the difference between a peon and a leader. His words, not mine!  
"Can't you find a different way of teaching that," Christina finally growls out.  
"How about I let you get that message across this year," Eric offers to my surprise. "Tris and Four will be the judges of your success. If they think you did it then we will use your method, if you fail we try mine again," he offers, giving her a real incentive.  
"You all heard him!" Christina looks around to make sure we all nod.

Marlene suddenly slaps her arm.  
"Mosquito," she explains when we look at her startled.  
"Well, that means it is getting dark enough to see," Uriah cheers and Marlene slaps his arm this time.  
"You need to learn when to shut up and show compassion," she lectures Uriah who keeps nodding his head.  
"Can we go now," he asks excitedly as if Marlene never spoke up.  
"Is it safe to keep the fire," Christina asks.  
"You can keep it but the mosquitos and bugs will be out in abundance because they are drawn to the light," Will lectures ever so helpfully.  
"Urgh, let's just extinguish it. I would like the light and warmth but I can do without the bugs," she whines.  
"I'll do it," I offer. "I just want to boil some water," I add. "Go ahead, I will be there in a few minutes."

They don't question me and leave, even Eric. I fill some water into a cleanish pot and get my thermos ready. It takes less time than expected for the water to boil and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee permeates the air.

I quickly get rid of the fire and wait to make sure there are no embers left to come back to life unsupervised before I join everyone on the rooftop.

…

I quickly set up my makeshift bed and lie down between Lynn and Tobias.  
"This is nice," I sigh.  
"Speak for yourself, my back feels like it is being poked by hundreds of tiny sharp rocks," Christina complains.  
I think we all expected this and nobody says anything in return.  
There are hushed conversations when those that lie next to each other talk quietly but all in all we are observing the silence and enjoying nature.

The stars are bright and not many clouds hinder our sight. I love the feeling everything gives even though it makes me feel small and inconsequential. We are just a tiny speckle in the mighty expanse of the universe. Who knows what really is out there?

It is getting later and later but the shooting stars prove elusive.

"I am tired and I want to go to bed," Marlene finally exclaims a little too loudly. "Come on, Uri."  
"No, I want to wait a little bit longer," he whines.  
"I will make it worth your while. Your choice!"  
"Good night guys." Uriah says loudly and stands up, grabbing Marlene's hand and leading her to the stairs.  
"Don't fuck in my tent," Christina calls after them.  
"I am not making any promises," Marlene calls back and Christina curses them quietly.  
"Do you think they are really going for it in our tent? We could decide any moment that we are ready to head to bed as well," Will asks.  
"This is Uriah and Marlene we are talking about," Christina reminds Will.  
Will just shrugs his shoulders our way and Lynn elaborates for his benefit.  
"They fuck whenever they feel like it and don't care who finds them. Remember the communal shower in the dorms," Lynn asks me and it is my turn to shudder.  
"I found them in the supply closet when I was setting up the training room to teach Christina and Uriah how to train initiates," Tobias adds.  
"But that was just last week," Will speaks up.  
"They don't care," Zeke confirms. "The only one managing to scare them enough was Mom when she walked in on them doing it on her kitchen counter. She made them clean the whole kitchen twice under her supervision just to be safe they got every ass print and whatever else there might be."  
"But..." Will tries again but gets interrupted by grunting.  
"Yep, that would be them," Lynn deadpans.  
"Great, I hope they are using at least their side and air the tent afterwards," Christina groans.  
"You can always sleep up here," I offer.  
"Tempting, but I don't think I will be able to sleep here."  
"But you will do so in the tent?" I counter.  
"Let me think about it."

We are quiet for a little bit longer, the only sounds disturbing the night are Uriah and Marlene frolicking around.

"Finally! He does have some stamina," Christina whines yet compliments.  
"Give them a few minutes to clean up but don't wait too long or they will start round two," Lynn advises and I know she speaks from experience.  
Sharing an apartment with Marlene was not one of her brightest choices.  
"Will, set the timer. I am tired and I want to sleep," Chris demands and Will follows through.  
Like planned they head downstairs when the time is up and I can hear Christina giving them shit from here. Good times!

"Peace and quiet," Tobias teases and I chuckle.  
"Think there will be any shooting stars tonight," I ask.  
"Who knows, we might get lucky."  
"As long as you are not trying to get lucky we are good up here," Lynn deadpans and Zeke and I laugh at Tobias' indignation.  
"Shut up and watch the sky,' he finally states and we all turn back to the stars lighting up the night sky.

Nothing else happens for a while after the bickering downstairs stops until suddenly a loud snore comes from beside Lynn.  
"There goes Zeke," Tobias quips but Lynn is suspiciously quiet when I can't hold back the snickers.  
Turning my head I see she is sound asleep as well.

"Looks like its just the two of us left. Wanna cuddle," Tobias whispers and there is a derisive snort from the dark side that Eric claimed as his.  
"Wanna join us, Eric," I whisper and there is a deep sigh.  
"I am going to take a bathroom break," I whisper to Tobias, taking more care to speak quietly.

I am fast and I don't think it has been more than five minutes before I return.

"What…" I start, but then shut my mouth as to not wake everyone else.  
I carefully walk to where Eric is sprawled out on my bedding with Tobias seemingly at ease with that and both of them staring up at the sky.

"We'll be sharing with Eric tonight," Tobias states without further explanation.  
If he is okay with this I am not going to question their motives.  
"So do you two want to cuddle on my bed or are you taking over Four's side of the roof," I tease. Both of them roll to opposite sides as fast as they can and I quickly take up the free space left in the middle.  
"That was mean," Tobias admonishes.  
"I will get you back for that," Eric whispers.  
"You two looked quite cozy and I wasn't sure if I was better off in the tent downstairs," I continue to tease.  
"Tris," Tobias warns.  
"Just ignore me. I am tired and talking nonsense,' I admit, and there are two quiet chuckles.  
"Thanks for joining us," I tell Eric without looking at him.  
"My air mattress got a leak," he finally admits.  
"We are happy to help you out. Are you okay here? It is a bit crowded and not so quiet with all that snoring."  
"Shut up and look at the sky," Eric demands, and we get settled in and quietly stare at the sky once more.

…

"I think I am giving up. Wake me if they should come while you are still awake," Tobias whispers and the rustling tells me he is pulling his sleeping bag up.

It is getting a bit chilly but it is not bad yet. The pullover I threw on earlier is still doing the trick.  
"Are you okay," I ask when I see Eric shiver.  
"I am good, Tris," Eric tells me with a surprisingly gentle voice.

I quietly take out my thermos and poor myself a cup of coffee. I take a few sips before offering the cup to Eric who takes it without hesitation.  
"And then there were two," I giggle when he hands me the cup back.  
"You are intent on staying awake, aren't you," Eric whispers.  
"I want to see some shooting stars," I whisper back.  
"They usually don't come until two or thee in the morning."  
"How do you know that," I can't help but ask.  
"I was out here the last two years and they never came as soon as it was dark," Eric explains.  
"Oh," is my smart reply.  
"I am not sure I can last that long," I finally admit after a long pause.  
"The key is to distract yourself until it's time. If you stare at the sky for four or five hours with nothing happening of course you can't keep your eyes open."

Oh, I know what I need to do!  
I reach for my backpack and pull my tablet out.  
"What are you doing? You are not going to start playing a game now, are you," Eric asks harshly.  
"I was going to listen to some music," I quietly correct his assumptions.  
"Oh," Eric mumbles and turns slightly onto his side.

I attach the ear buds before I start the tablet to make sure it will stay quiet and not wake the others.

I am listening to a few songs on the tablet but there is one I keep coming back to tonight and when I select it for the third time in a row one of my ear buds is plucked out and I turn to stare at Eric lying propped up right in front of me, putting the missing bud into his own ear.

"What," I start but he puts his finger over my lips, subsequently shushing me.

"I want to see what you like so much," he whispers into my free ear after leaning over me.

I take a deep breath when his fans over my face and I stare at him as he lingers slightly on top of me.

I nod and he settles down beside me as I hit play once more.

…

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_I counted the stars tonight,  
Oh how they shine so bright,  
I gather them all, so we perfectly align  
While we gaze from far away.  
And separately watch the day  
Come rising across the horizon in our minds_.

…

I can feel Eric's eyes on me but I focus really hard on staring at the sky instead of doing what I want to do which is turn and stare at him instead.

…

_But now I know,  
My heart is strong,  
Where you belong  
Is by my side. (Lalalala lalala)  
So will you hold,  
'Cause time is cold,  
But in your soul  
I'm standing by._

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_I have waited a thousand years,  
And now that tomorrow's here,  
I will shout from the mountain top  
Our hearts belong near.  
And we've traveled land and sea,  
Our beacon the love we keep,  
But when we unite,  
This will all have been our dream._

… _  
_

Eric's hand finds mine and I squeeze his fingers gently.

…

_And now we know,  
Our hearts are strong,  
Where we belong  
Is side by side.  
And so we'll hold  
Each other close,  
And in our souls  
We're standing by._

…

Eric moves slightly and entwines our fingers while his thumb starts rubbing over my skin.

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
(Ohohoh) Oh oh oh oh oh oh  
(Ohohoh) Oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_And so we'll hold  
Each other close  
And then we'll know  
We're standing by._

…

Oh my god! He doesn't stop, he just keeps up with his thumb and it is beginning to drive me insane with the need to do ... more...

With me not doing a thing the tablet moves on to the next song and I want to chant, cheer and groan all the same time because I don't know what could possibly happen next.

…

_I seek the water  
I seek the trees  
I seek the heavens  
I'm brought down to my knees_

_Yeah, I know anger  
I know peace  
Yeah, I know darkness  
Mmm, and it knows me_

_And it knows me  
And it knows me_

_I've felt the fire  
I've held the sword  
I've fought desire  
Mmm, but I lost that war_

_Crying out in shame  
Oh, for goodness sake_   
_I tried to disagree  
Oh, but it knows me_

…

I can't help myself, I have to turn and see Eric's face, but when I do the emotions displayed there make me want to cry.

His free arm comes up and moves around me, pulling me in close to him until our noses rub against each other and our lips meet.

…

_And it knows me  
And it knows me_

_Rest my soul, grace set me free  
I know my sins and they know me_

_And it knows me_

_And it knows me_

_Rest my soul, grace set me free  
I know my sins and they know me_

…

And we keep kissing while the ear plugs get lost and the tablet gets put aside without further ado.

I am on fire and the man I am trying to crawl into is responsible for the inferno burning me alive.

I clutch his shirt, wondering briefly when he let my hand go, and I am holding on tight as if I never want to let him go again.

Then I hitch one thigh over his hip, the devil made me do it, I swear. Eric grabs my cold flesh and hoists me leg up further, bringing the apex of my thighs in close contact with his pelvis.

"Oh shit," I moan into his mouth and he swallows every sound.

"I see stars," I moan when he bucks into me and he grunts in affirmative.

I push one hand down his chest and in between us to cup his erection.

"Hmm," Eric compliments and I squeeze him gently through his pants.

"Shooting stars," I clarify and Eric stops to look at me.

I kiss him quickly and then turn my face to the sky that is now illuminated with an abundance of activity.

"Tris," Eric whispers after a minute or so.

"Shh," I say and turn my body so it is nestled under his arm and my head ends up on his chest.

Eric moves his arm and hand, and grabs a handful of breast.

"Look at that," I encourage, meaning the sky but of course Eric wouldn't be Eric if things were that simple.

"Oh, there a plenty of things I would like to look at," he whispers into my ear and I shiver.

"Maybe we can talk about that later? I am really enjoying myself right now," I say.

"Me too."

Ass!

"You are supposed to wish upon a star," I correct him gently and he sighs but lets go and turns his face to the sky.

I do the same and wish upon every single shooting star I see. It is selfish and freeing in an abstract kind of way and I am enjoying every second of it.

"Are you done," Eric eventually whispers into my ear and I look at him.

"Maybe," I tease, but it is spoiled by a massive yawn coming out of my mouth.

"Goodnight, Tris," Eric whispers, and he turns both of us to kiss me once more.

Before I am ready he stops and turns back onto his back, pulling me close and pulling a blanket that must be his from above his head. Both of us get swallowed in the sheer size of it and he uses that as an excuse to pull me in tight.

I sigh and relax, falling asleep almost immediately.

…

When I wake in the morning I am alone.

Okay, not alone per se, my friends are still sound asleep around me, but there is no sign of Eric and I am covered in my own blanket.

Did I dream everything? Oh god, I did, didn't I?

The morning progresses as planned and in smaller groups we leave the area after making sure we cleaned up after ourselves.

A quiet chat with Tobias told me that Eric was really here and that, yes, indeed he came over last night because his mattress sprung a leak. So did the rest happen too or did I make things up in my dreams?

…

We arrive back at the compound just after one in the afternoon and everyone goes off to their respective tasks and jobs.

I treat myself to a nice hot shower while I think about whether I should confront Eric or just pretend nothing happened. After plenty of contemplation I decide that something did happen and it needs to be addressed before it becomes the elephant in the room. With Eric, you always need to find out his line of thought because, despite growing up Erudite, his logic is often flawed - not that he would ever admit to that.

With my mind made up I head to the leadership offices.

Eric is in his office but I head into mine first to grab all the files I will need. My plan is to keep it professional until the end unless Eric initiates the talk we need to have.

…

Three on the dot I knock on Eric's office door and there is a gruff "enter" even though he should know it is me.

I poke my head in and ask him sweetly as possible "Can I come in or do you want to postpone our meeting?"

"Let's get it over with," Eric groans, and I smile at him brightly.

He doesn't look my way which is more telling than any words he could use and I decide to play his game.

Over the next thirty minutes I keep it professional when we talk about the upcoming initiation, possible job vacancies and staff rotation. Once we worked out which way we will be going in September, I decide to tackle the elephant in the room.

"Did you like the meteor shower last night," I ask innocently.

"It was the same as any other year," he comments offhandedly.

"Well, it was my first time experiencing one, but I also liked the fireworks," I goad.

"You must have been dreaming about the Fourth of July then because there were no fireworks," Eric corrects without hesitation.

"Well, I saw shooting stars but I experienced fireworks. Thanks, they were really nice, Eric," I compliment, and then I wait.

"Tris," Eric warns, once more not looking at me.

"You are a great kisser, Eric, but it is okay if you don't return the sentiment, I grew up Abnegation after all," I dangle another carrot.

Eric wouldn't be a Eric if he didn't bite that one.

"I keep telling you to move past your upbringing. There is nothing wrong with the way you kiss," he exclaims.

"So why did you run?"

"Because I did not want to force you having to chose between me and your job!"

"Why would I have to choose," I ask, flabbergasted.

"Well, there is the obvious fraternisation policy, then the gossip and lastly, Emma had to give up her leadership position when she married Max," Eric lists off and I just stare at him

I am making sure I take the time to go through every point he made and analyse things for myself without taking his opinion into consideration. Then I look a the bigger picture and I know what I need to say.

"So let me try to clarify some things," I start, and Eric nods eagerly.

"You did not run because you regretted kissing ME?"

"I liked kissing you."

"Good, I liked it to," I admit. "Did you ever see me care about gossip?"

"You care about people and what is being said about them behind their backs but you give a shit about people making wrong assumptions about you," Eric concedes my point.

"Good, at least you know me to some extent but you clearly have to re-read the fraternity policy," I challenge.

"Excuse me?!"

And the hackles are up!

I walk around Eric's desk to reach his shelf and pull out the large folder with Dauntless policies. Thumbing through it I finally reach the part I was looking for and put it in front of Eric without further ado.

To his credit he takes the time to read it and in the end he grins at me sheepishly.

"Fine, you are my equal and it is legal to date you," he admits, and I croon at him.

"So you want to date me? That's good to know because I like that idea."

"Shut up, Tris," he tells me without heat. "I still don't want you to give up your job if you marry me," he adds quietly.

"Eric, if I chose to marry you I am also free to choose if I want to keep working or if I want to stay home and raise any kids we might have. Emma made a choice based on her family situation and what she and her husband thought was the best way forward for them. It is not a requirement. You can be pregnant and a leader; you can be a parent and a leader. Nobody will force me to step back and let someone else take my position if I don't want them to."

"But you grew up with your mother at home. Don't you want the same for your kids?"

"Eric, I am sixteen years old. Kids are not on my radar for any time soon and I promise you that when I am ready to have children I will consider all my options but I feel that I can be both and won't have to choose one over the other. Do you want to become a stay at home dad?"

"No, but I want what is best for my kids and that is the undivided attention of at least one parent."

"Then maybe we really will not get to that point together but there is nothing against having a relationship now unless you are planning on getting married and having a bunch of children right away."

The ball is in his court and it looks like my words are slowly sinking in.

"You don't think children need to have a full time parent around?"

Eric doesn't seem to be able to let that topic go.

"No, I think it is important to spend a lot of time with them when they are little but once they turn three they need playmates and a kindergarten setting is a great way of giving the parents time to be an adult while the kids get to experience all that comes with playing and learning with their peers. They move on to preschool, then to elementary school and secondary school before they have to choose a faction. Do you expect your wife to be at home bored while the children are busy living their lives?"

"Uh," Eric stutters and looks away.

"Look, Eric, I like you and you seem to have liked me enough to kiss me. If that's all it was then I am not going to mention it again, but if you think that you might want to see where this is going come and find me. I am off for the next couple of days and will be relaxing at home."

With that I stand up and walk out, ignoring any protest coming from Eric.

…

The knock on my door comes faster than I anticipated and I am in the middle of switching my laundry around. Unfortunately it takes me longer than usual to get to my door and by the time I open it, I only see Eric's back.

"I am here,' I shout after him, and he slowly turns back to me.

His eyes seek mine before he starts walking closer.

"No regrets," he asks when he finally comes to stand before me.

"No regrets," I confirm. "If it doesn't work out so be it."

"Okay!"

"Do you want to come in," I ask and step back, holding the door open in invitation.

Eric walks past me and when I close the door he cages me in while lowering his head to mine. Our lips meet and I am experiencing pure bliss.

"Even better than last night," I quip, smacking my lips when he steps back a little.

Eric laughs out loud and the ice is broken.

"Would you like to observe the night sky with me tonight," Eric asks formally.

"I would love to but I need to wait for my laundry to finish," I admit.

"That's okay, I have some purchases to make before we can go. Will I pick you up in two hours?"

"Sounds great," I answer and Eric postpones leaving for a few minutes when his lips reattach to mine.

"Addictive," he whispers in my ear and gently bites the earlobe while I shiver.

"Good, maybe you'll stick around," I tease.

"I would like that but I need to go for now."

"Don't bother bringing your air mattress, I like my set up and I'll share," I offer and Eric nods.

"You are tempting me already and I don't want to leave."

"Get going," I order, stepping back. "I will have to see what clothes are ready to go again."

"Don't plan on wearing too much," Eric advises.

"I will not have sex with you tonight," I exclaim, and Eric rushes back to me.

"Tris, if I was just after sex I did not have to go through all the trouble of dating and planning an outing. I am not in any rush and whenever you are ready for it we'll just make it happen. Now I really have to go," Eric groans and kisses me quickly before running out of my apartment.

Two hours later we settle into the train and it doesn't feel much different than when we went on a training excursion. We talk about different things or just enjoy the natural background sounds provided by the wind blowing past us.

The sun is beginning to set when we start our hike but with just the two of us we make good time and arrive at the tower just as the sun goes down and darkness sets in.

Eric starts the fire while I set up my mats before I join him with the provisions I brought.

"I got cake," Eric proudly announces when he opens a container.

"That's great," I praise. "But what about proper food?"

"How about stew," Eric asks, setting a full pot on the flames.

While the food heats up Eric moves closer to me and throws his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his strong chest.

"This is nice," he declares after inhaling the scent of my shampoo.

"It is," I confirm, sniffing his shirt and snuggling in.

"If you don't want to stay home permanently I am okay with that," Eric suddenly announces, and I lean back to look at him.

"I think we could be together till death do us part, so to speak, and I don't want something like that stopping us from making a life with each other," Eric adds.

"Let's survive this date first and then we will take it one step at a time. All I am saying is that I am not ready to become a mother. Did you break up with your previous girlfriends because of this," I can't help but wonder out loud.

"I don't think any of the girls I was with qualify as girlfriends," Eric admits.

"Not even back when you were in Erudite? I know that Abnegation is the only faction that values virtue so don't try to spare my sensibilities."

"It's not that, Tris, it's more that the few girls I went out with more than once did not hold my attention outside the bedroom. If you took away the sex there was nothing there and I think a relationship should be meaningful in everyday interactions. We kind of got that one squared away," Eric says, and then moves to stir the pot. "I think dinner is ready."

"Good, I am starving," I admit.

"God, me too. I skipped breakfast and had my lunch at the cafeteria before they were all set up so it was not much else than vegetables."

"Poor you," I tease. "What are you going to do without meat three times a day?"

"Well, I could always eat you instead," Eric deadpans and hands me my bowl.

"If you want to grow old with me you need to start loving your veggies," I retort, and Eric nods his head without saying anything else.

We finish our dinner quickly and share a slice of cake before heading up to the roof.

"Is it just me or is it colder tonight," I ask when we settle down.

"Maybe a little bit but I will keep you warm," Eric promises.

"That sounds so cheesy."

"It does," he admits. "Let's just forget I said it."

"Never heard a thing," I say before he shuts me up with a kiss.

Oh boy, we kiss and kiss and I have no idea what time it is when Eric rolls us over so I am on top of him.

I snuggle into his chest and he pulls me in close, surrounding me with his arms once more before reaching down to adjust himself.

"I can get off," I offer.

"No, stay. Just a little adjustment."

"Little," I tease.

"Feel free to check," Eric offers.

"One day I will," I promise.

"No rush. I want to do this right."

"Me too," I whisper and seek his lips again.

Time flies when you are busy but there are some side effects I did not account for; I am getting unbelievably horny.

I try to be inconspicuous when I seek friction to relive some of the itchiness and tension but Eric has too much experience to not notice what I am doing.

His eyes meet mine when he pushes both hands on my hips and gently guides me to where he knows it will help. I have to admit, his erection straining against the fabric of his jeans feels amazing and I take full advantage of his offer until I see him cringe more than once.

"What's wrong," I whisper. "Am I hurting you?"

"No, the jeans are just rubbing me the wrong way," Eric admits. "It feels like things are getting a little chafed."

"Then take them off," I suggest.

"Tris, I am only wearing underwear beneath and I did not bring another pair of pants."

"So what? Your underwear will be not much different than my training bra. Don't stay uncomfortable on my account."

"I don't want to take advantage..."

"You won't," I interrupt. "Whatever is supposed to happen will, there is no fighting fate. Maybe you should wish upon a few more stars for stamina and perseverance. Oh, maybe a chastity vow?"

"Shut up, and you better not complain," Eric grumbles and moves me aside to strip.

His boxers are tented when he takes his jeans off, but I am not so uneducated as to not know what it means.

"Is this okay," I ask when I settle back on top of him.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that," Eric laughs.

The laughter dies on his lips when I kiss him and put his hands back on my hips. I begin to rub myself against him and he finally catches on and helps.

"This feels nice," I moan against his lips.

"Oh yeah," he agrees before adding. "Look at the stars."

I do turn my head and look up just in time to see a really big shooting star right above us.

"Wow," I exclaim and then moan because Eric just hit a spot that makes me feel like I am seeing stars all over again.

"We have to stop, Tris. We are taking this further than we should," Eric tries to spoil my fun.

"No," I whine.

"You said no sex on the first date," he groans out.

"I was stupid," I lament.

"No, you were right," Eric corrects.

"But it feels nice," I argue.

"I can make you feel good without sex," Eric promises and turns us around.

His hands move towards the front of my pants and he doesn't have to pull them down to reach the spot he was aiming for. The whole hand cups me and he rubs gently before his fingers focus on my clit and I am utterly surprised how much I feel despite the panties I am wearing.

When my pants become heavier and my moans needier Eric's lips move back to mine and his tongue traces my lips, asking for entrance. I open wide and he pushes his tongue in, starting to tangle it with mine and the effect is unbelievable.

I am fully aware of the moment I orgasm and Eric slowly stops his movements.

"What about you," I ask when I turn into him and push my hand against the flesh straining his boxers.

"I want to make you happy, Tris, but I want to wait before we go further. Please just give me that small bit of control," he begs, and I feel bad for pushing him when I was the one to put up the boundaries in the first place.

"It sounds unfair but if that's what you want I am content to make you happy."

We move so we are both lying down and stare at the sky, cuddled together. Once more Eric grabs his big blanket and covers us. This time there is nobody else around and we kiss until I fall asleep in his arms, knowing this is just the beginning for us.

…

The next morning dawns way too early. There is a bird that should be eaten by a predator, if you ask me, but I am compensated by Eric's presence.

It seems we moved in our sleep and now I am right on top of him, spread out like a starfish.

"You are finally awake," Eric growls right into my ear and I shiver.

"I would have liked to sleep a bit longer. Why are you up already?"

"You crawling on top of me while asleep does make me think of things that should be forbidden."

"Is that so? I like waking up like this. It feels nice."

"It does feel too nice, but I yes, I like waking up with you too. Yesterday I thought it best to just leave but today we are past the first date and it is a whole new day," Eric announces and I look at him.

"Did I come to lie on you like this the night before," I ask in mortification.

"Oh yes, it was really nice then as well but when you started moving around I thought it best to get out of here."

"But you won't do that again. I mean... are we a couple now?"

"Do you want us to be," Eric counters without answering my question.

"I wanted that already yesterday but it seemed you were not ready yet," I tease.

"I was ready to fuck you right in between Lynn and Four but I thought it was not an option."

"Wow, I did not see that one coming!"

"This," Eric asks, grinning at me before he wriggles his body, making me feel the full length of his erection.

"It's a new day," I declare. "Is this our second date?"

I don't wait for an answer but, without thinking twice, I push my hand in between us and down his boxers.

"Shit," Eric hisses but doesn't move away. "Good grip," he compliments and moans in appreciation.

I am having fun exploring the texture and sheer size of his erection and Eric doesn't correct me, I must be doing it right. There are a few shudders and suppressed moans but Eric doesn't hold much back.

I am just stroking up and down like I know from the girl talk I was subjected to men like.

"Tris, you have to slow down and maybe stop. I didn't bring fresh boxers," Eric gasps out.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Eric forgot to bring fresh underwear. I would have never believed it had I not heard it with my own ears.

"Tris, " Eric warns me again but I do what he did for me yesterday and push my tongue in his mouth for added sensory input.

A few jerks and grunts and the twitching flesh covers my hand in sticky liquid. Eew!

Eric is panting though our kisses and doesn't seem willing to let me go any time soon.

"Shit, Tris, you'll be the death of me," he pants.

"Or the making of," I suggest.

"I like the sound of that more," Eric admits.

Finally I am able to pull my hand out of his pants and continue to stare at it until Eric takes my hand and wipes it on the outside of his boxers.

"I think I know why it's supposed to be best to swallow," I blurt out and Eric laughs while I gasp at my blunder.

"I doubt life with you will ever be boring," Eric concludes and gets up to strip his underwear and put his jeans back on.

"Ass," I whisper and he grins at me.

"You like mine, don't you? Probably sneaked a peak just now," he teases.

Yeah, I can live with Eric like that, I am quite sure of it.

…

We return to the compound after seriously considering staying another night but Eric's lack of clothing forces us to head back. The following days we alternate between Eric's and my place and when we return back to work we learn how to separate our work and private life.

There are a few bumps in the road, my friends and initiation the most prominent, but we manage to work past all obstacles and become stronger as a unit.

Over the years Eric turned out to be the one a few steps ahead of me at times.

He was ready to marry me as soon as the candles were blown out on my eighteenths birthday. I held out until my twentieth.

If it would have been up to Eric I would have been pregnant before our wedding night, I managed to convince him to wait, and wait, and then wait some more. By the time I turned twenty five I told him I would not renew my birth control shot and shortly after my twenty sixth birthday we welcomed our first child.

The agreement we came to was that I would take it easy the first year and then slowly increase my workload. This time fate intervened and I found myself pregnant again before the year was up. We were ecstatic but I conceded the point to Eric who got it right in the first place: I became a stay at home mom but never gave up my leadership position. Seven years and three kids later I went back to work when our youngest started school. It helped with the empty nest syndrome other moms were struggling with and made me feel closer to Eric who was not an absent father by any means, but that little bit of extra adult time sure did spice things up.

THE END

* * *

**I wrote Dauntless Debauchery 2019 and Tears of Saint Lawrence in August 2020 - although they are separate entities I found, while editing one after the other, that Dauntless Debauchery could very well be a future take of this couple. If you haven't read it yet, go and have a look!**

Tears of Saint Lawrence (as per National Geographic): "[A] superstition has 'for ages' existed among the Catholics of some parts of England and Germany, that the burning tears of St. Lawrence are seen in the sky on the night of the 10th of August; this day being the anniversary of his martyrdom."

Although the anniversary of the martyrdom of Lawrence has been observed since at least the middle of the fourth century, it's impossible to say when the annual August Perseid display became associated with the saint's feast day and his fiery tears.

Nonetheless, there's "no doubt that the 'saint's tears' would have been well known by Christians long before astronomers caught on," says archaeoastronomer Anthony Aveni, who is studying stars depicted on church ceilings for a forthcoming book on constellations.

"When people pray to heaven, they expect an answer, so they expect to see a sign from heaven," he adds. "What more prominent sign can you get than the tears of a saint washing over you from the heavens?"

Music credits:

'Standing by' – performed by Pentatonix; Written by: AVRIEL KAPLAN, KEVIN OLUSOLA; Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

https://youtu.be/AmBk0Mgr3C4

'It knows me' – performed and written by Avi Kaplan

https://youtu.be/53utaSYQnuY


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